I have just completed the process of revamping my website, and so my blog is now integrated with my website! This blog will no longer be maintained. To access the new blog, please visit counselorbarb.com/blog.

So you need to know where you are going. What are your biggest goals? Are your current day-to-day activities meeting these goals?

Only you hold the steering wheel of your life. Others may try to direct you. If you don’t chart your own course, others will. Do you really want other people determining the direction of your life?

As Ms. Iorio states, she had five strategic goals during her tenure, and said “no” to any activity that didn’t support these five goals. How do I remember that she had five? She repeated it at least four times in her speech. This woman knows her course.

I reflect upon this as I sit here this morning trying to figure out what to do first. Just this morning alone, I had two places I needed to be at the same time. I had to ask myself, which activity most directly supports my goals? And, I had to let one of them go. Unfortunately it was the “fun” one. Then, immediately after that, I received two invitations for two things that sound great, but don’t directly contribute to my goals. Yep, “no” to both of those as well.

I then started thinking about all of the times I say “no.” It’s frequent. I usually feel somewhat guilty…but I cannot be in two places at the same time, and I cannot say yes to every invitation that comes along or I won’t make progress toward what is important to ME. I also need down time. Yes, down time contributes to my long-term goals because it allows me to recharge and go on to accomplish more.

So, what are your goals? Are you charting your own course, or allowing others to lead you? Do you spend your time reacting to other people’s demands, or making your own?

Now, back to that dissertation I’ve been postponing…

One of the major reasons I don’t accept insurance is that I would need to code you, as my client, with a psychological disorder. This is required by the insurance companies. Yes, I have to not only tell them that you are “crazy”, but what type of “crazy”. But it doesn’t stop there. This diagnosis goes into your permanent medical records, which are supposed to be kept confidential. However, as we know, technology is a lot of wonderful things; secure and confidential not always among those wonderful things. For every password-protected system there is a hacker who has made it his/her personal mission to enter. Just the fact that your records are “out there” places you at additional risk. Not to mention the legal and legitimate searches, which means you could get denied coverage in the future for a “pre-existing condition”. To sum it up, the diagnosis is permanently and centrally recorded, and could therefore be discovered by others.

Yet, even I was surprised to read about CNN’s Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen, who discovered that ALL of her private medical information was actually online! Yep, it was all on the internet! All it took was her social security number, birthday, and address. Right there in black and white was every medical diagnosis and treatment from 2003! According to Dr. Steven Schwaltzberg, associate professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School, “There is more information out there about people than could ever possibly be realized.”

So, my refusal to accept insurance is in great part to help you protect information you may not have known required protection.

For CNN’s full article click here.

Like women do every day in the U.S., I made an appointment to talk to a new hairstylist. I was considering switching, and wanted to talk with the new one before doing so.

Within five minutes, I began to feel odd. Uncomfortable. Almost surreal. The place had a weird energy- there was no reception area, there was nowhere to wait, and I had to search around to find who I was looking for. Stop being such a snob, I told myself.

But then it got a bit stranger. I started to feel uncomfortable with the person. I’m not sure if it was the disjointed speech, the slightly disheveled appearance or the fact that this person’s hair looked bad. Really bad.

Never trust a skinny cook, a poor stockbroker or a hairdresser with bad hair.

Still, I doubted myself. The longer I spent with this person, the more uncomfortable I became. I felt disconnected, out-of-place. I could not follow what was being said. The topic jumped back and forth from hair color to where I lived and worked and what nationality I was. These questions are too intrusive, I thought. Still, I did not get up to leave. Why? I doubted my gut.

Walking out to my car, I just had this really bad feeling. I thought, this is silly. What do I have to be upset about? Then I realized. It was my gut telling me not to go back to that hairstylist. The more I considered the facts (the inordinate amount of time it would take, the fact that this stylist had lots of openings and they were still in school, the inappropriate conversation) I realized an amazing thing: My gut was correct! My gut has always been correct! Whenever I have listened to it, I have never been sorry.

At least when I verify it. I never listen to my gut without verification.

So, what does all of this have to do with you?

Listen to your gut. Then verify.

When you visit a counselor, whether it’s me or someone else, pay attention to how you feel when you are around that person. Don’t just look at the credentials on the wall or the price. If you get that “bad feeling”, ask yourself: is this person really listening? Do they care? Does their style of communication fit with mine (does the conversation feel comfortable)? Are they focused or do they seem distracted? Do they change topics suddenly and seem to forget what they have just told you?

If your “bad feelings” are verified with observable facts, don’t go back. Find another counselor. Keep looking until you find one you feel comfortable talking to. Research shows that the counseling relationship accounts for approximately 40% of the outcome. If you don’t have a good relationship with your counselor, your chances of success are already down to 60%. Why do that to yourself? The work you do in counseling is difficult enough without adding an artificial challenge. So…listen to your gut. Then verify.

Psychotherapy Myths